sOmEtImEs I wIsH....!!!!!

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me….

Sounds a little dramatic, yet I’m sure it would be interesting enough to try that someday… cause since a while until now…. my mind has been into a constant conflict with my heart about this feeling of weirdness which has been crumpling inside me…. as if all the desires have been left with no meaning… and my instincts don’t seem to be believable…

And with each day passing by I’m left with this autocratic thought of confusion forcing me to choose between reality and my credence….

But something more interesting happened to me this morning; while sitting on the steps, looking around the neighborhood, wondering why, life at times, can seem not so great. But in that second, it took me to just think; that my life could change faster than a blink…. And probably that mere thought of change made me question myself; 

 “Is this a reason why we should cherish our lives the way it is?

Not knowing when our loved ones may suddenly perish. Living everyday, like it was our last, for our days could be very long or go by very fast.”

And also as one of the most famous dialogues of  a hindi movie goes along saying, ‘haso, muskurao, khush raho…… kya pata kal ho naa ho’

I discovered myself to be soo dumb in itself, that all this while I have given enough consideration to my struggling strife…. without realizing the authenticity of being blessed enough to come along so far with much more happiness than sadness in this journey of life….

I’m sure that it not too late to entice all those beautiful moments of joy and jubilance.

Certainly I wish to attach all of them in a single thread, which will help me to hold them forever along with me to feel the bliss and rejoice along with it….

Time has changed and will change further… who knows what is going to stay forever… One thing being sure that life is being wasted while the time we spend preparing to live it through…. 

Therefore I’m going to let it all go and live it up with the flow… as there shall be no way to get away if I keep choosing between things around without living the intensity of that spur of moment.

So now henceforth I wish to cherish each moment of my life and take nothing for granted, not say things that shouldn’t be chanted. If this were the last day I would have on earth, I would greatly accept my life, for what it’s been worth all this while.

Tomorrow isn’t promised to me or to anyone else around, don’t wait for tomorrow, do it all today, if tomorrow never comes, you’ll never regret a day…  cause if everything around is not going right, it doesn’t means that everything is meant to be wrong as well…. And as the sun shines and stars keep twinkling I can always keep trying to fit in my dreams accordingly…

Ultimately to wrap up on the whole I now wish that I don’t forget to keep smiling for all the dearests people around me and myself as well cause I have lately comprehended the fact that my life may not be perfect; yet  it’s definitely far away from imperfection… and that should be a good enough reason to hold that piece of grin along with me and be the way I am !!!!  J

Dual Faces of the BITCH CALLED LIFE !!!!!!!

'LIFE', a terminology which is taken up into consideration with serious intensions and attentions by all of us; yet it remains unexplained and not really understood by us a lot of times, infact maximum of the times.

Certainly what amazed me is the realism of life being lectured by most of the mortals who know nothing about what living life is like or anything even near to what the essence of life means to be. The most upsetting factor being that they find ample of followers to believe them on their flawed theories of life. 

Well on daily basis itself we come across stories where the most unexpected happens for the good and we call it good luck or mere good fortune favoring us, I agree in a way that to an extent destiny and fortune helps you out at times but then it happens to happen only at times, what about rest of the times when negative consequences takes place and you are not the one who is at fault though you have to face them 'the consequences' irrespective of the fact that you deserve it not cause that is something which doesn't really matters and what matters is completely ignored.

Remember the times of childhood when it is been thought to dream of picture perfect stories or for that matter at-least decent situations about consequences of our life stories; as always said 'if its not a happy ending, end is yet pending'; Coincidentally, it has happened to all off us at some point or the other. 

But what actually happens is the sour and bitter flavours being added to our stories by , which we happen to taste at a later date when we find out that its an absolute flip flop situation in real. Eventually, out of impulse we discover is how bluntly life turns its face away from us when its needed to be the most humble and generous to us but it happens to show harsh and dark colours of itself and leaves us in a mess and we let it go by calling it merely some difficult situations and then tacitly we realise that the phrase 'Happy ending' is not always applicable to all stories, not to ours at-least.

Reality is strongly abide to life in such a way that in its vicinity you need to fight n fight n keep fighting for all that is yours, for all that you want n for all that you don't want to let go off from your hands when you have it...

And in the process of fighting for those basic needs you forget the actual purpose/wants for which you decided to enter the battlefield.

There's an old saying; "REALITY BITES" and it's also one of my favourite lines as it fits perfectly into every situation taken up in any or every decade. I wonder at times what if sadness, falsification, negativity and darkness could be erases from this world but then to my surprise I realise that it is not possible to do so because their feasibility exists due to absenteeism of happiness, trust, positivity and brightness at both the places, within us and around us as well. 

Meanwhile the earnestness of your desires and dreams goes unheard and ignored by yourself at every stage of the battlefield where you are striving to fight for living your life your way. I don't mean to say that hard work and love doesn't pay off in today's world but its face value has surely diminished in the shades of politics, manipulations and corruptions which exists not just in the societies around us but also within us for ourselves; reasons/ excuses for this can be infinite, Of which the result being that we move away... far away from the essential attributes of life. Sounds unfair and unjust, isn't it!! Sadly yes but yeah “that is the mantra to live life in today's era.”

Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall. If virtue makes me fall; I wouldn’t mind being a sinner.

It’s commonly stated that every coin has two sides; no there are three- one good, one bad and other one is TRUTH... though no one really cares about the third one. Indeed the thin line of vacuum between them ‘the three sides of a coin’ makes all the difference; something which lies beyond the good and the bad where all the smudged yet requisite extreme aspirations exists... In between of all this confusion a modest aggression is the key to success and somehow in my opinion it's fair enough to behave like a dog when life emerges into a Bitch....

Astonishingly, it's never known to anybody of us about how, when and where life would enact like a bitch to us and add flavour of sarcasm in it. Though, at the end of the day, right and wrong don’t counts, because the objective of life remains to be survival and not regression of the means through which the survival was attained.

Anyhow....

     People change. Feelings fade. Lovers drift. Friends leave. Friends become enemies. Lovers become strangers. You’ll be judged. Life Goes On.

Destination would hold no meaning to itself if the journey across is not lived up your way. It doesn’t matters whether you are born with a wooden, silver, gold or platinum spoon, “life is about finding its meaning for yourself and not for others”. The meaning of life is about something to do on this earth which fires your spirit and moves your soul.

Top of Form

Top of Form

Resilience of Emotions... !!!!!

Words aren't enough to elucidate what it feels to be in this spur of moment....

Life suddenly seems to have taken a halt and I find everything around to be QUIET.... which is not letting me feel comfortable about myself, about others and about everything else as well….

As if I am stuck in between of some stagnated feelings, they are abruptly not allowing me to look ahead from this juncture of life and move on to the next juncture, which is sort of unusual to me....

I don't know what is it but its definitely some weird sense of insight within me which leaves me with a forceful punch of sheer mixed feelings sinking me into a deep and profound range of emotions....

The matter of concern and worry to me is the unawareness of the reason and consequences behind these hurried elevation of emotions and feeling inside me…

In search for an answer I look back into my near past and I realized while growing up I never knew I was in that constant process of making every passing day of my life ‘a memory’ which is apparently impossible to forget and I’m glad to recall all of them now at least and wondering that why did never ever thought about those memories with such sincerity before as they actualize happiness to me in a way….

But when I look back to them the memories when some of the people who entered into my life to simply leave one fine day it hurts and I'm glad to have met some of the most amazing people as well who stayed back with me all along…

I miss my childhood like all others but some how don't want to go back cause I know I have strived hard enough to come along so far

And at this stage resilience of the past will mean destruction of present….

It's nothing like I am missing out on something or someone in my present that belonged to my past in fact I’m gratified to know that I have more than what I could have ever asked for….

But still there is a feeling of anxiousness and anxiety constantly lingering into head and I feel weird about unusual thought process coming across and I happen to find nothing at all to settle this unevenness in me…

There is a range of mixed feeling running into me…. No matter how much ever I try to avoid them ‘the feelings and the memories’ for all good and bad which has happened to me so far, they just randomly keep flowing through my anticipation….

At this moment all of it just feels to be neutral around me… everything is at par; whether it may be pleasant or unpleasant, nice or nasty, impulsive or repulsive, attractive or unappealing or for that matter all of this is what I strongly sense together inside me….

All of these emotions are piling on me one after the other or sometimes all together at the same time leaving me amazed over the intensity of the moment….

Yet I find this distinct phase of the brief time period in the timeline of my life certainly winsome and alluring as it still leaves behind a sense satisfaction and optimism as well for awaiting a better tomorrow, which beholds all the answers to a varied gamut of questions I have been looking for until today….

I just hope that it doesn’t gets to late too seek appropriate answers to all my queries which will indeed help me live my imaginations and attain my goals accordingly…

And moving towards the end of this blog all I can relate myself to is a random statement I read through this morning,

“It might seem like when you close one chapter of your life and start writing another, that you did before was a ‘waste’. But the truth is a sum of all the experiences and the whole is greater than certain parts in itself”

I hope my endurance through this phase, which has been an absolute eccentric phase to me, will certainly prove itself constructive, reasonable and progressive.   

A PERFECT DAY :))

The sovereign feeling of merriment and rejoice which i feel in every state of my mind now....

This sense of happiness I haven't felt ever before....

Every thing seems just so much more than PERFECT.... I don't care if it is perfect in real or not; at least for this moment it seems to be...

So much so that i want to be indifferent from the rest of the world and live this moment the way it is in its complete extremities.....

I want to seize and hold you, myself and everything around me; doesn't matter if it's practically impossible for me to do so cause for the first time I want to not just grasp the moment into me but explore it to every extent...

I wonder what is it making me feel amazingly this great about this day... It's a day as casual as it could be but still it’s turned out to be special.... As it makes me realize that life is lived in its true sense only when you smile from within for yourself more than for other

And you start enjoying it when u realize that you have

No worries

No burden                                                          

No question

No answer

No confusion

No proximity

No obligation

Nothing as such around you to work on it cause they complicate life instead of simplifying it....

So I keep all of them behind and walk with a smile; Just a piece of smile a BROAD smile on my face which I get from this day and

I feel fortunate to live this moment of liberty, happiness, and freedom, which give me peace of mind and explains what love is :))

Yeah that mystery feeling I could never understand until today when I envisaged that;

"Love isn’t something which would just happen to you, it doesn’t dwells somewhere where you will have to search for it when you need it; neither will it ever happen to be that love starts finding you… all of this is meaningless cause love is a feeling that you will have to BUILT it deep inside you for others and inside other for yourself until then it is definitely more or less just like love and not what love actually is like!!!! "

:))

IN SEARCH OF COMPLETENESS !!!!

Cognisance of emptiness, that sense of incompleteness always did reside deep inside my soul.

Not that it's new to me but today there is this feeling which is not just different but also distinctively unknown to me so far... it's something more like a variant aura encompassing around me. It is in that constant process of searching that missing part of my life which will fill in the vacuum which existed in me till date to simply take away all the incompleteness inside me.........

After discerning all this my only question is; "Why is it now that everything has to change? I was already enduring my comfort zone along with that incompleteness of myself.... especially when it has become more like a part of my life and I have learnt to live with it.....!!!!!

But for me discerning incompleteness was soo much more satisfying and sufficient than to find COMPLETENESS in me for myself..... without even knowing if there is any end to this search of mine.... 

That mere feeling of change in my mind for the betterment pulls me away; far away from everybody around my vicinity....... And somehow I just want to allow this distance to prevail, without even knowing if it's correct or not.......

But then something which strikes me is the fact that nothing at all around the world is right or wrong....it's just the belief that surrounds us.

This reminds me of an advice often given to me that "find your goal and work towards it....." When I was actually distracted from my goal in the first place...... 

Now it seems needless to note down a goal and work towards it instead I wander in this palpable world in search of something which is alike tranquility..... but later to my envisage I realised that in this materialistic world of mortals inner completeness has lost its serenity..... and thus I have got nothing to search for in it........!!!!

D year 2011 was for me....... :)

D year tht 2011 was........
At d commencement of this year....
I had many hopes and was awaiting a happy nd joyful time as i always did at d beginning of every new yr....
But as nd when time went by all of those hopes fell pray to d invariable unexpected situation happening one after d other constantly nd also very much astonishingly created an impulsive impact on me for sure nd sumhow now I'm glad enough for all of it to have taken place in my life...…


Cause it was D yr in which India was playing for d world cup nd I was appearing for my graduation exam.... Nd for d first tym I wasn't at all interested to giv those exams but yeah f best part was tht I graduated damn I did actually turned a graduate :)) by d tym i could digest this news d worst part was to cum nd i eventually gav up on d profession i was aspiring for round abt 4 long year :)) by thn......

It was D yr in which I did understand tht nothing matters more than materialistic factors in this world to almost all of d ppl in ur life including myself nd also found tht ntgn matters more than jst a gentle affection to create happiness for urself for other nd for everybody arnd u irrespective to how nd in what way u r connected to thm as if relation Jst hav no meaning at all...

It was D yr in which I did expect to experience my life in a different way than wht I had lived before, but I never knew d experiences I would get to experience were gonna be soo very much drastic to change my view point nd opinions in d most dreaded way....

It was D yr which let me know d most important lesson of my life  i.e. "LIFE MOVES ON........it just hav to move on irrespective of u wanting it to go on wid it or not orr even when u want ur life to stand still for tht tym being or may be for always..... no matter how so ever u wish to refrain from moving ahead.... Time takes u along wid it..... Yes it does nd life as usual moves on.....

It was D yr in which I planned 'n' number of thing let it be career, vacations, parties or may be Jst a mere outing; somehow for certain crapy reasons nd excuses none of thm actually worked ...... instead every thing, freaking every situation happened to happen very randomly nd in an exactly opposite way to which I had ever planned it or wanted thm to take place....

It was D yr that made me wonder and questing everything that was going around me.... But d fact being despite of me working hard enough to find thm yet was unable to find an ans to any of d questions or any of d thoughts which kept me wondering and amazed at d world around nd everything going around in tht world.....

It was D yr in which I did happen to realise that it was high tym for this kindda HAPPY REALISATION thing cause i absolutely knew nothing about where I'm suppose to head on to!!!! where exactly my destination is!! what am I actually doing..... !!!!! All I could get to know was  tht I was trying to go with d flow of time,might be thn sumhow I could atleast figure out whr i'm heading on to.....it's lik experimenting d taste of life wid myself......nd it's lik jab jaage tab sawera situation for me ;) :P

It was D yr which gave me d first ever chance to understand various TASTES OF LIFE all together one one platter...... No matter how 'bitter-sour -sweet ' they were... This year it Jst made a point tht It makes hav taste all of them....... but d good part was tht d year jst came wid very many amendments in my life by doing tht nd yeah hav surely strengthen my belief in myself more than I could I have ever thought of it before in my life........

It was jst D yr.... which did teach me tht, "no new chapter in life can start with a happy happy Wala beginning unless n until d previous chapters are understood, finished nd closed properly no matter in what soo ever manner those chapters treated u lik........"

FREAK that was such a year......filled wid sooo many incidences nd lessons which were completely contradictory nd ironic in them selves...... But thn it was D year 2011 for me......
And today D year 2011 comes to an end, finally it comes to an end..... Leaving me behind with those unforgettable experiences which I find hard enough to digest till date...... But surely hav learnt sooo much more than I could hav ever expected out of my life, myself as well nd more over I Jst did never expect all of it from d year 2011.......
This yr did allow me to understand nd brought the extremes from both d ends of good or bad of life right across me.........nd finally whn this is ending I Jst had to type it down for whatever best nd d worst for my betterment this year has done to me...... At d end all I can say is d fact EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED from life nd do remember tht there is always A BEAUTIFUL SUNRISE AWAITING for u AFTER EVERY SETTLING SUN......nd for tht all u need to do is keep ur EYES WIDE SHUT n MIND WILD OPEN

Nd now I say GOOD Wala byess... to this year which has actually being bad has thought me all d good things in life i could learn at this tym......
I'm nt just happy for this year which is all abt to end but i'm also happy for d good times i'm awaiting from d coming next year.....for d authenticity of better nd higher dimension the new dawn is gonna bring with it along tomorrow and
I wanna wholeheartedly welcome d year 2012 with somewhat better belief in me to not Jst achieve my aspired goals but also to live upto my own expectation..... nd for tht soulful nd abit self centric reason I WISH MYSELF LUCK... loadss n loads of luck :)) :-*