Words aren't enough to
elucidate what it feels to be in this spur of moment....
Life suddenly seems to have
taken a halt and I find everything around to be QUIET.... which is not letting
me feel comfortable about myself, about others and about everything else as
well….
As if I am stuck in between
of some stagnated feelings, they are abruptly not allowing me to look ahead
from this juncture of life and move on to the next juncture, which is sort of unusual
to me....
I don't know what is it but
its definitely some weird sense of insight within me which leaves me with a
forceful punch of sheer mixed feelings sinking me into a deep and profound
range of emotions....
The matter of concern and
worry to me is the unawareness of the reason and consequences behind
these hurried elevation of emotions and feeling inside me…
In search for an answer I
look back into my near past and I realized while growing up I never knew I was
in that constant process of making every passing day of my life ‘a memory’ which
is apparently impossible to forget and I’m glad to recall all of them now at
least and wondering that why did never ever thought about those memories with
such sincerity before as they actualize happiness to me in a way….
But when I look back to them
the memories when some of the people who entered into my life to simply leave
one fine day it hurts and I'm glad to have met some of the most amazing people
as well who stayed back with me all along…
I miss my childhood like all
others but some how don't want to go back cause I know I have strived hard
enough to come along so far
And at this stage resilience of
the past will mean destruction of present….
It's nothing like I am
missing out on something or someone in my present that belonged to my past in fact
I’m gratified to know that I have more than what I could have ever asked for….
But still there is a feeling
of anxiousness and anxiety constantly lingering into head and I feel weird
about unusual thought process coming across and I happen to find nothing at all
to settle this unevenness in me…
There is a range of mixed
feeling running into me…. No matter how much ever I try to avoid them ‘the
feelings and the memories’ for all good and bad which has happened to me so
far, they just randomly keep flowing through my anticipation….
At this moment all of it just
feels to be neutral around me… everything is at par; whether it may be pleasant
or unpleasant, nice or nasty, impulsive or repulsive, attractive or unappealing
or for that matter all of this is what I strongly sense together inside me….
All of these emotions are piling on me one after the other or sometimes all together at the same time
leaving me amazed over the intensity of the moment….
Yet I find this distinct
phase of the brief time period in the timeline of my life certainly winsome and
alluring as it still leaves behind a sense satisfaction and optimism as well
for awaiting a better tomorrow, which beholds all the answers to a varied gamut
of questions I have been looking for until today….
I just hope that it doesn’t
gets to late too seek appropriate answers to all my queries which will indeed
help me live my imaginations and attain my goals accordingly…
And moving towards the end of
this blog all I can relate myself to is a random statement I read through this
morning,
“It might seem like when you
close one chapter of your life and start writing another, that you did before
was a ‘waste’. But the truth is a sum of all the experiences and the whole is
greater than certain parts in itself”
I hope my endurance through
this phase, which has been an absolute eccentric phase to me, will certainly
prove itself constructive, reasonable and progressive.
