StandStiLL..

The world seems to have ended; yet I haven’t even started;

Too much to think about and sway and there’s equally much to give away!

These drifting emotions of having everything and nothing at the same time awkwardly reverberates the craziness inside me.

This feeling of awkwardness is burdensome enough...

Path which leads ahead is not smooth but rough...

To escape is not the solution I know...

Yet I haven't been left with any other option though!!!

And I wonder why is it that all of this is happening now!
It's been so regular to have  something or the other going on around in my world though today all of it seems to be at standstill...resulting into an unpleasantness.

It's strange but definitely the time to rearrange.
But somehow these words hold no meaning until they are proven to reality.

Ohhh wait for a second... Why am I even thinking so much!!
Somehow my inability for not being able to choose from all the wandering thoughts around me has simply crept into my inept desire.

Its really not the darkness that I fear from but letting the brightness go off and have no one beside....
And It just doesn't ends here; there is this weird noise buzzing around everywhere and at the same time I feel a sheer silence of emptiness inside. 
Don’t know what is this outburst about… is it just me or the world outside or maybe a mere blend of both?

Regardless to mention that a certain sense of impassiveness is there which is like never ending for me.
Its difficult to let it all relinquish as much as it is to persist to stay back... And as always being unstilted I would asked for more and more.

To choose from my own emotions is an intemperate activity to accomplish in itself. 

No matter how indulging this process is; today I want to miss that link of those thoughts and hold this moment for a while; stand by the outdoors, listen to the rhythmic rainfall outside, feel the breeze, watch the sun settle down and stay there until it rises.

Somehow this time during which the sun settles and rises up above again rejuvenates me... as always like a MAGICAL tune played on me.

To really know what this inquisitiveness is yet again a task but all that I could realise is that I can't fight a fact; I need to deal with it. I can't discard myself, I can just get started and be more of it. At the end compromising yourself is never worth it. You are all of it what you have got.

And this realization further evokes a thought in me which is such that; imperfection has it's own charm. To me perfection has rather been stagnant whereas imperfection simply allows me with enough space to grow and be better.

That is what makes me love the imperfection in me or in anything around me. Cause its the only way to seek a higher self.

True that It's only when everything around gets to be dark... You get a chance to shine like a star...!

Expect the unexpected...!!!

It wasn’t like the usual mornings today; at least not in ways I greet my mornings. I broke myself to some expected news unexpectedly. I was taken aback with it as it could change things for me in a lot of ways. All I needed was some peaceful time for myself…to sit and think; but well I forgot for a while that I live in Mumbai. Here for anything that happens to you doesn’t change anything around you.

So I had to get myself up and get ready, finish my daily errands, get going to my work followed by similar activities I do on everyday basis.

Well just like the morning, rest of my day wasn’t good to me either. So finally, in later part of the evening for a good change in my plan I accompanied my mother to some of her workplace. Since she was busy with a few discussions I decided to get back in my car and waited for her until she was done.

While I was fidgeting and playing around with different radio channels in the car, a few minutes later I noticed something odd and repetitive. Every other person walking by the street would join their hands, bow down and pray. Not just one but many people kept doing that and later walked on their respective ways. Its then I realized that my car was parked outside a temple, to which a window was kept open from inside.

It was interesting to observe that hundreds of people passing by the street while walking, driving in their cars, riding over a bike or so would hold on for a few seconds and pray to the God in that temple through that window and then again move ahead. As if everybody, even in their own rush and hurry to reach out to places and finish off things were still trying to spare a few seconds to bow down to the almighty in idea of hope and betterment. 

But there was one man who stood there outside, looking through that small window for more time than usual; he kept on humming something and was praying with extreme intensity and sorrow in his eyes. Weird was a fact that all this while he was standing outside the temple on roadside, wherein instead he could have gone inside and done so.

For once I thought I should ask him why was he standing outside all along but couldn’t disturb him in between his prayers. Rather something provoked me to get out of my own car. I glanced at the sight of the temple insides through the window… and witnessed a beautiful sight; it looked like a window of hopes.

Name it curiosity or what so ever I couldn’t resist myself but simply walked inside the temple and visited the main area. And all I could feel was the calm serenity of the beauty seen through that window from outside. One thought hindered around me was the fact, that if everybody who bowed in front of the window why wouldn’t they visit the temple from inside.

To me the man standing outside and everyone else who just glanced at the temple were unfortunate, enough to have missed the presence of belief in the almighty.

On my way back home, I ingeniously envisaged that in this huge rush of our lives, we are missing onto the essence of everything around us. All we do is just hope for something to happen and forget to believe in ourselves to enact our hopes into actions. Prayers without belief are simply words; they don’t help-out if not backed by actions. To them who accredit their hopes into actions do realize true meaning of faith in the almighty.

And as always I had the happy realization moment to myself and I knew what I had to do. Merely hoping that something or the other should have changed my morning to not make me upset wouldn’t do much; instead I could make the rest of the day work in my favor.

Difficult are not the decision made, but the force that which leads you to enact them… and a final note of the day to myself was that the more I believe in myself the more I will abide the most unexpected from the expected world around.

CHANGES lead by eXpEcTaTiOns…!!!

I recently came across this quote, 

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed" -- Sylvia Plath.

Which keeps me wondering does it mean to be all by yourself...? Is it even possible..?

When I look at it with a different point of view, to my understanding the author of the quote mentioned above, is trying to say that one can expect only after believing.... and with belief apprehensions surely come hand in hand. So if anything or everything goes wrong it shall conclude with huge disappointments. And it's always easier to deal with the disappointments created by ourselves, but it's hard to deal with the ones created by others.

When this particular thought is taken to a higher level where its noticed that no matter how stringent or flexible the situation is, it’s usually left to each one of us to decide which way to follow:

- the common path which others choose for us in the name of expectations; or 

- the thoroughfare which we unknowingly bump into which is as unexpected as it could be!!

But then how far such pattern of decision making is going to let you outreach yourself or any situation!!!  

Surely there is a lot to do in between of what is already going on and what needs to be done, it's like the grey area lying in between the bLaCk & the wHiTe and that's where you find a way which is meant for you to take every probable liberty to do what you have to do... !!!

For any of us, we can very conveniently analyze/ gaze at other's situations but when someone is a part of a particular live scenario, it requires a lot of determination and strength to live it up and get through.

A way-out from such situation is to understand 'Change'. Although it’s profoundly said that the only thing which remains constant is 'CHANGE', to very much of our surprise is the irony that we all constantly refrain to accept 'Change'. 

The day we start not just expecting more from ourselves than others but also live upto them, we will learn to accept not just the changes around us but also the ones within us.

And then there shall be hope for a day when 'the change' is created by each one of us with no denial to accept it; rather we start expecting from ourselves and not others..!!!

Randomly unconventional...!!!

Wanting more from today than yesterday is into the nature of survival. As much as I believe in this law of nature… I do follow it myself. And with everyday passing by I try and make sure that I achieve what I wish for.

Yet even after multiple weeks – months - years and decades until now all of it seems like just another ordinary day.

Certainly dreams have no bounds and no ends; though the strange part is, the more you dream the more you want to actualize it in reality. And once you do so it just keeps on adding to the list of never ending list of aspirations.

Ironically all this leads onto the dilemma when the fear of losing grows along with the growing account of the achievements you have.

Which also explains that dreams definitely binds you along with itself.

Time- People- Money- Work and what not seems to fall in different directions altogether and suddenly my life looks like a crash project I’m venturing onto!!!

Well it isn’t hard to believe the fact that in this frenzy dilemma of practicality to find yourself is a difficult task. Though I firmly believe it isn’t an impossible one for myself atleast…

Ohhh well to pursue the so-called terms and conditions set by others wasn’t my cup of tea I guess. Without denying it I shall admit my life wasn’t such a big deal only until I wanted to make a great deal out of it…

Agreed that not all dare enough to change the world but I guess I dared enough to change my world.

Indeed my dream has always been to chase spontaneity with randomness… since ever.

Well to my surprise it was never too late to get started... and quest my abilities to desire!!!! 

Sounds a little filmy though I did 

like to end up saying that to check out the unusual spark around; all you need to do is,

Start with the change within you…

Start it today from this very moment itself… 

Start dreaming to dream and fulfill them as well…

Start living….

Go onto a search for your existence irrespective of all odds to outreach your desires eagerly.... cause it’s never too late to start afresh!!!!

Basically don’t just do all that what has already been done…

“As you don’t always need a plan to Breath… Trust… Let Go and See what Happens!"

After all in the end it’s the journey that matters and not just the destination… Until I find my destination I shall drive onto my impulsive instinct on this journey to make is as randomly unconventional as it can be.

Cause I’m sure I will be wanting more from tomorrow than today.