2024 - The year of all the firsts

To all the Firsts: 

This was a year of firsts for me both experientially and emotionally too. Lodging all of them in a journal mode here to tell myself a decade later that the actual adulthood hit me in the year 2024.  

Encountering emotional losses: 

While growing up we all have positive attachments with our grandparents. They all are indeed special, and its heavenly if by chance they (or one of them) pick you are their favorites. The importance of life upgrades 10x times when ever you are around them. Engulfed into their warmth of the love and care showered upon you in every possible form- be a tight hug, every morsel of good lord food fed by their own hands, a dozen of life lessons shared, a zillion bedtime stories recited, childlike enthusiasm shared and always ready to support/scold you. Every bit of being around them is special.   

Then one fine day they decide to move on in life leaving you behind to deal with life all by yourself. I lost my dear Nanosa this year because as always he was in hurry to get to the next location, he decided to move onto the next phase of he life. With no time given to us to process what all happened in an eefing moment. The first time I felt the void of him not being around and yet keeping a check on us. The first time I realized the classic trick they used upon us. The trick is that they make you feel so amazing about yourself and your existence that you actually believe it to be true. Instead the reality being that you are just a random ordinary being in this huge scheme of life. I felt special because he made me feel like that, nothing really that I had in myself. 

The wonderful lessons and stories passed on to me through him are going to stay. So that one day, if I can, I hope to pass it on to the next generation in our lineage, like he did. 

Hitting Adulthood in the face: 

Adulting comes to you inevitably, I realized the real effect of adulting all through the year in different phases. One of which was to be responsible to adorn the responsibility of taking care of the health of your parents, parents in-laws and your family. Health insurance is serious stuff with loads of paper work in hand. Dealing with all the formalities and at the same time empathizing the situation with needed requisite actions to be executed was a unique first of a kind I wasn't prepared for but I learnt it all on my way in this year. 

Para-sailing: 

I have grown up in Mumbai, the city of dreams and beautiful India Ocean. Thus, being in love for the oceans or every kind of waterbody comes naturally flowing to me. Early during the year I was invited to our office catch up session in the land of beaches, GOA. In no time I was in Goan beaches dipping my feet in the sea for long hours. The soothing effect it has on you is like a meditative state of mind. The thrilling part of the trip was that on the last day we all in the group decided to parasail. It was during the golden hour of the day in the middle of the Indian Ocean, our boat stood still having me parasail for the very 1st time, in no time I was up in the air watching the sun eye-to-eye and feeling all the overwhelming feels. This was certainly one of the most liberating moments of this year.        

TREK: 

So Ankit and I decided to have our wedding anniversary trip to Bhutan, the land of majestic mountains and jaw dropping scenic valleys. This began with a little anniversary surprise for my husband where I had included the trek to Taktsang Monastery in Paro. This experience made us realize how much MORE we need to work on our health and fitness. The beauty of upscaling land and urge to reach up there somewhere in the mountains can land you face challenges that were completely unexpected. Yet the painful joy of returning back home after reaching the apex or anywhere near to that is also way too fulfilling. Nevertheless, the most rewarding part of the trek was a relaxing hot-stone bath at our resort.   

Never say Never: 

There is always some space for new things or experiences in life. Through all of these 1st kinds are nothing extreme or exceptional to the world but me. Right from handling adulthood assignment of being responsible while accompanying my family for some serious medical treatment getting done and loosing a dear closest family member, I understood the actual meaning of being responsible. The year where I experienced adventure through trekking a marginally difficult terrain of Taktsang Monastery, Bhutan only to realize the status quo of my fitness, and there is so much more work on to get it better. And the amazing eye-to-eye glance with a beautiful warm sun while parasailing on a beautiful beach of Goa. 

All of these could happen to me only because there has been so much more space to just let newness enter my life in different ways and more. You may never know it all, there is always room for more growth. And with almost 2 months already passed by in the year 2025, I am sure this year continues to contribute to my growth. 

     

 

 

To all things NEW & OLD !!!

Everything in life is comforting, only until you consider it to be so!

Such a dilemma proof statement which is also a-typical & hypocritical at the same time. Oh well; with all the ups & way too many downs going on around, in the middle of nowhere I just thought of writing some of it for now. 

The ransom effects of shifting from a place that has been your home to a new city, house, family and culture. There exist a constant comparison, more in your own head than the outside. The whole process of finding the comforting feeling and letting it go and repeating the process all way again & again is indeed a whole set of saga in itself.   

But the real melodrama begins when I am searching for myself midst of all the chaos that going on in and around my life. That damn feeling to keep the core values intact and alive take real effort. Also I keep reiterating to myself that "Happiness is the only serendipity I look out for". Though I don't know if that really is so. 

In the most adverse situations remember the filmy thought "If its not happy, its not the end!!!" 

Cringe enough but yeah this thought has been the force of my motivation in so many ways in the past few years. The factual realization that being happy is actually suppose to be bare minimum basic and not just at the end. Cause the moment when you find happiness, is it moment of being clearly thoughtful and the most self aware you can ever be. The catch is that the moment of happiness can only be lived and cannot be stored or so in any form or manner. 

Encapsulating happiness also sounds like an impossible task. The impossibility of the thought is not that we may not be able to live that feeling again but it is only that we must know how to be consistent at it, about being happy. It could be a habit, a person, a place, a memory from our past (majorly childhood for most humans), any particular time of the day, situational factors and could also be everything. 

All things new and old have always existed in itself parallelly. I am the one navigating through them in the mode past and present. And its only the naive me who understood later enough now that, Once I have figured out to be consistent at my things, my people, my habits, my place, my world and everything that remains to be mine without actually having me to call it mine, I knew I am happy. 

And now thing is, once the basics of happiness is found, I only have to cherish it. Just this is actually enough to let happiness breathe around me. Cause eventually happiness is the beginning of all things wonderful awaiting to happen in life. And irrespective of all the considerations; comfort eventually only follows happiness.    

PoV: A major Life lesson learnt- Comfort follows being happy with your own self.   

   

Oh... LOVE!!!

Oh Dear Ankit!

Until about 8 months ago, I nearly never knew what love can mean and change me as a person. I mostly wondered, love is this thing that is all the cheesy-cheeky stuff romanticized only in our heads or mentioned in some form of literature or art form. It is certainly for a few lucky ones I have had the chance to witness in my life. But that is not my thing, like nahhh. At least for my own self I thought who is ever going to bring out love in the purest form. 

And then one very FINE day with the least expectations I met you, not to forget with the whole jing-bang of arranged marriage meeting hyped set-up. It was one of those days where I had too many mixed emotions and was so pissed that I had declared to my mom that this is the last time I am coming along with you for such a meeting. Alas! The Universe did hear me out. And little did I know, you were gonna be the one for me. 

I must confess, I have been attracted to you from the first hesitant stare/glance we had at each other. The first conversation went out to be random enough that we discussed quite literally anything on earth. And with so much ease & comfort. So much so that it barely consumed anytime to pass the bridge of those initial formal interaction to now roasting each other every now & then. 

Everything about love and our story is not dreamy, it does come with its equal share of difference of thoughts and opinions about life and the kind of life we plan to live together. As much detailed as we plan, our lives will surprise and shock us in more ways than we know. In the midst of all the surprises and shocks I am excited to be by your side.  

I always thought, I have been mostly in control of my emotions. In that lieu I ended up holding onto my emotional side in front anyone else. Especially expressing why I cried if ever I do. The major change I noticed in myself is not holding onto my emotions at all now. The emotional side of me just flows like a running river does to the ocean side. And trust me its so liberating.

Oh Dear Ankit, now that we are married for a few days already I am witnessing some very prominent changes in my life and all around me. Luckily all these changes are fairly positive so far. When I imagine about the odds of us meeting and the chemistry that struck between us; all of it feels like pure magic that was destined to happen. I can never thank the Universe enough for bringing you into my life. And I am not even going attempt to the abundant blissfulness you let me be in with the mix comfort and challenges you come along for me.      

In this whole wide world, nahhh in this whole wide Universe I get to spend this beautiful life ahead along with you. As much as I trust in creating my own destiny, I now trust the Universe as it has better plans already written for us. 

Looking forward to waking up to you every morning, laughing together until my stomach hurts, watching spectacular sunsets along with sunrises, crushing my diet with eating some delicious & authentic delicacies of our hometown, chatting over coffee dates, chilling out with nearly no agenda but holding hands, judging & bitching about the random errands, vacationing at some exotic and non-exotic locations on earth, loving to letting you love me and most importantly taking care of each other for this lifetime.       

Indeed! I am in in delight with the taste of Love as a mixture of all the emotions and its gorgeousness in every possible way. 

Samay ki Dhaar!!!

Naye saal ki nayi aakanshanyien 

isshtehaar sunate hai hume nayi subah ki khabre aur usse judi baatien 

kuch aisi baatien jo mann dehlaade 

aur kuch aisi jinhe sirf mann behlaa dene ke liye hi bataya gaya hai

mann me nayi ulhaas aur tarang hai par

shaam savere koi baat hai jo mann me baithi hui hai 

naa keh paati hun, naa khud tak rakh paati hun... 

Raahe kitni hi hai aage jinhe khud ke liye chunna hai

kuch dur tak le jaaye toh kuch manzil se bhatkaaye 

nirantar aage chalte rehne par ek mod par lagta hai ke nahi pata kahaan jaa rahi hun

jo kar rahi hun woh sahi hai bhi yaa nahi 

dekh lenge kya hi hoga yeh khayaal rehte hue 

shaam savere koi baat hai jo mann me baithi hui hai 

naa keh paati hun, naa khud tak rakh paati hun... 

shabdh nahi bana paati bas kayi baar aasun beh jaate hai 

akelepan ki sooyiyaan bahot chubhti hai 

shikayat khudh se karu yaa dusron se 

yeh bhi tey nahi kar paati theek se 

shaam savere koi baat hai jo mann me baithi hui hai 

naa keh paati hun naa khud tak rakh paati hun... 

sab kehte hai samay ki dhaar, rait ki tarah hai

iss waqt me jyaada khush yaa maayus naa hona

yeh waqt bhi chala jaayega 

yeh keh ke khudko behlaa bhi nahi paati 

shaam savere koi baat hai jo mann me baithi hui hai 

naa keh paati hun naa khud tak rakh paati hun!!!

The year 2021 !!!

Every year end comes with abundant hopes for new beginnings. With each passing year I have developed a practice to introspect and improvise myself. As we all unanimously thought 2020 was a though year but hello 2021 has been a roller coaster ride too. It came along with several ups and a few downs, here and there of its own. As a ritual I am only journaling the facets of eventually how this year went by for me. Here we go...

Uncertainty is indeed an everyday affair. We like it or not, it is needed to be dealt with utmost care. There have been umpteen numbers of hours invested in planning, thinking and figuring out or fitting in perfection into anything I am attempting to do. sooner or later, all of it falls flat as against to these uncertain aspects of situational dramedy my life has made special arrangements for me. Not that I have yet let these uncertainties affect my the planning part to be left to procrastination or bypassed. Alongside, only learnt to create a room for not so contingent apprentices will never hurt much. It shall only further add enough masala to unusual routine affairs.  

Surprises can easily convert into shocks and vice-versa. In both the cases I do make a fool out of myself. The entire year has been a bunch of incidences falling prey to situational whereabouts. These have brought both delightful and adverse feels. Anyway, I love the mix bag of emotions which comes along in these surprisingly shocking times.  

Expect the unexpected. With passing time, growing age & experience, I thought things & people around would get predictable. It will be super easy to anticipate actions and reaction of myself and others too. But then, it usually doesn't works in this fashion. And in most cases I have now learned to distinguish the nature of reality verses how it appeared in my imagination. It serves the only purpose of amusing introspection to myself. 

Consistency is the key to transformation. I went through some decent healthy lifestyle and physic change. It was earned after following daily workout sessions and some strict diet plans. A lot of the credit goes to my fitness coach and the fact that I dedicated the disciplined side of myself to it. Everyone acknowledged with praises and opinions on the tangible change they saw in me. Though only few could understand I am headed toward only being a healthier version of myself.  

Learning to say 'No' is an art, and I am learning it slowly but steadily. I have never been a yes person yet saying no or even expressing my discomfort towards anything was a task for me. Figured out in a few situations that the answer can be nothing else but no. The good part about it is that saying it courageously in a straight forward manner comes with enormous contentment. 

Family and Friends are weird yet too dear. Sure things is that they have to be handled with care and ignorance. They will get demanding, at least the ones around me does more than often. No matter how much so ever you offer yourself to them, some of it it will get missed or unattended. At times when these closed ones get difficult to manage all I think I can do is agree to disagree with them on a few of the incidences. To accept that it is okay to be flawed and still love every near and dear ones is the real deal. Since I ain't a chocolate cake or gajar ka halwa, I can't make everyone of them happy but at least I tried is good enough for me.

World is a beauty and so is 'Tawang'. A trip that came along with experiences of exhilarating exuberance. On this trip nature in form of mountains & river-fronts rubbed their magic on me like never before. Everything about this trip has been spectacularly razzle-dazzles. You can read my experience in much detail here. In addition to the experience and joy of visiting this heaven on earth has been that I found the exact kind of house design and lifestyle I want to build for & around myself. All those enormous inspirations I draw from this trip, adds to the bank of hope for goodness and prosperity for me and everyone around as well, to make world a better place. I know it sounds kind of cliché, but that's okay.  

Travel, travel and travel. The best part about travelling is that it gets me excited to plan my next travel plan while I am already in a journey. It actually happens to most of us. And I guess I am always too tempted, excited and a certain kind of greedy when it comes to travelling. Undisputedly, I love being a constant voyage. The charm of packing & unpacking, prepping the arrangements of comfort food, jumping from one destination to another, collecting human stories in a personal narrative form, hustling to make the best use of the limited time I have on each of my trips, soaking in all of it and etc. Noting down most of my experiences in a diary (its a self created ritual), only to not have missed any of these precious moments on some of the times in future when I decide to look back on my own travelling saga.    

Investment needs to be a regular habit. Earlier this year I came across this amazing book called The Almanack of Naval Ravikant wherein a few simple and effective tactics of compound interest were shared. It was an wonderful read because a heavy topic of investment was majorly explained through different simplified thread of tweets. It added to my knowledge on how to grow money from my money in an easy DIY fashion. Ever since that I have been recommending this book and encouraging most of my peers to develop this habit ASAP.   

Jugaad pe duniya tiki hai, hum kaam toh kar hi sakte hai. Its been over a year, I have had a standard traditional form of working contract, thanks to turmoil created by the pandemic. Instead, I began looking out for different arenas of work and projects. I am glad, I could find projects, people and organizations matching my interests. This process has most definitely demanded a lot of my time & attention, alongside made me realize the strength of my potential in a positive manner. 

'Yeh ho kya raha hai life me!'
Copyright 2021. Ankita Jain 

Discovering my own self has been a perpetual task. 

I am glad to have been on it for acing this one task of life. I firmly believe there is no particular reason to settle down with myself or reason out my doings. I am on it for this task not for any superfluous philosophy of life. I am on it for the fact that I can intrigue myself, time and again. I want to persistently remain equivalent to soft sand, ready to adapt and mold itself into every new possibility. I want to be all different forms of femineity such as a Goddess, a Queen, a Ninja, a Wanderer, a Goofball and sometimes all of it at once. I want to reflect upon myself every year (like just now) to be grateful for being able to have come this far. Honestly, there is much gratification for living up all of it with grace and kindness.     

Also, not to forget, Timing is the real bitch. Re-iterating the fact that no matter how many perfect plans I am going to make, the universe will always have something bigger and better designed in it for me. As the new year is nearing and like every calendar year I am headed to make new plans for every anticipated aspect of life. Equally, excited to live up the changes our dear universe is going to make in those plans while all of it comes to execution. Assertively hoping 2022 to be a whole deal of uniquely eased betterment. Fingers Crossed.   

 

TAWANG, you beauty!

Somewhere in July 2021, in a random discussion where my trip to Goa was getting cancelled for a blah reason. There seated my cousin Gaurav received a text and itinerary of a trip to a city in Arunachal Pradesh. Further he asked if I want to join in, I immediately said yes and 2.5 half months later we got onto our journey to TAWANG! 

Little did I know this vacation could be so much more than just a distraction from reality. This trip truly enriched my love for travel and did change me in so many ways. I have attempted to note down a few of my experiences and observations here.    

The journey is as important as the destination! Most of our journey to reach Tawang we travelled was on the road, i.e. for about 3 days in a row. The long stretched drives in the valley of mountains with the Brahmaputra river by our side, spectacular views and cold breeze were totally worth it. This drive was as much enjoyable as the joy of reaching to our destination. 

Nature has its own way of speaking with us. For me mountains and beauty goes hand in hand. Especially when the mountain belong to Himalayan ranges, it is guaranteed with magnificent views. All of my time in the beautiful Arunachal Pradesh, I have witnessed extraordinary mountain views; during sunsets, sunrises, around river side, paddy fields besides the flowing river, lakes, different kinds of mountain terrains, different shades of the sky, city set-up in between the lush green mountains and the list goes on and on. I personally crave for sunrise & sunset views. I made sure to watch the sun rise and settle each day. And during the daylight while I saw the beautiful sky change its color shades and patterns as the sun raised and settled in the valleys, it marked an astonishing meditative practice for me. Needless to say the scenery could turn any one of us into a wanderlust creature. 

Enriching conversations and people add the real wealth to life.  I consider myself always fortunate enough to have amazing people around and with every new person I met on this trip has made me even more prosperous.

The group- This was the first time I had joined a group of people on a vacation wherein more than 70% of them were complete strangers to me. I ended up making amazing friends and acquaintances of them all. The journey of knowing people is an all together different know-how from being strangers to courteous to accommodative to giggling to cracking up out of nowhere to inside jokes to eventually making memories for life, have seen this development with the entire group. It was ultimately a great leap of faith I took. BTW the gang can be addressed as Gaurav- the gossiping entertainer, Omkar- the photographer,  Shilpi- the student who just graduated on this trip ;), Eeshita & Nikita- the trip planners, Rahul- my food companion, Paras- the silent killer, Kalpesh- the sarcasm master and Varsha- the sweetheart manager.    

The tour driver- Dilbarji, we kind of misunderstood him earlier but later on we found out he was a total gem of a person. I am glad he was there, to drive us safely back and forth on the journey. He is also the reason we enjoyed our drive throughout the difficult terrain of mountains on our way pretty much seamlessly.  

Indian Army Officers- The respect for humans in Uniforms, especially Army men any day multiplies. Here I got a chance to meet two amazing Army officers on our 1st day itself in Tenga. A chat that got built out from the search for sattvic food. They did share some part of their life stories with us and added several suggestions/recommendations for our travel. They also offered help open heartedly. Such generosity is rare to be found. And throughout on the journey, have witnessed Army men taking loads of care of the Indian land and people in the most adverse places and situations too. Another incident was when an army officer offered us Khada-Prasad of Gurudwara on our way back from Bomlapass, it was also much needed given that we were way too hungry at that hour. Indeed we are in safe hands, protected well enough at the borders.

The Tawang family we met at Mandala Top- It began with us wanting to click pictures with three cute and happy kids of this family. The parents were very happy and nice to let us click a few pictures with their kids while they were on a Dusshera outing. While we were exchanging our errands and experience of visiting tawang for the 1st time, they offered us a few shots of home-made wine along with details of offbeat places to visit to when we come back to their city. The kids, surprisingly were sporting several poses with each one of us for pictures adding their own spunk. This family was more of a breath of fresh air to us. They re-iterated the fact that goodness does exist and the world is indeed filled with loving humans.

The concept of Homestays- We halted at about three homestays on this trip. The Wangdi's Homestay in Dhirang, amazing hospitality along with great sky view from it's terrace and river side view (the river flow music was a constant meditation). The second stay was at Tashi's Homestay in Tawang, I had never seen before this a house full of flowers and a personally maintained greenhouse. The owner's hospitality, warmth and food was totally heartfelt. And last but not the least, Norbu Homestay in Sangti Valley, a cozy cottage along with homely vibes and amazing food. The best part was the bon fire with classic stargazing view and a brightly shining moon. I have quite literally found my inspiration of the kind of house & location where I want to build, reside and invite my friends & family to visit me in my old-age.  

Disconnect from the outside to connect with yourself from within. We realized later in a day and half on the way that there is going to be most no or minimum network on our phone. It was bothering for like a while at the beginning for like an hour or so but later I considered it a blessing instead. I could enjoy the place with absolute no technological distraction was only to my advantage for sure. 

Leaving is painful. It has always been hard to say goodbye for me; to humans for sure but even to places who have given me astounding memories for a lifetime. Theory of relativity is most definitely applicable to this situation, wherein when I look back at the amazing nine days gone by in a swoosh. It is as similar to the mountain view that went out of my site while our vehicle took a turn on the mountain roads. 

Vacation withdrawals are a real thing. 

Real enough to an extend that I woke up at 4.40am i.e. sunrise time in the valleys of Arunachal Pradesh. Its just been a day back home yet to process myself back into this city of dreams I have belonged all my life. It is struggle-some, everything feels a bit off and out of the place for now. I guess I am just a bit hungover on my holidays.  Secretly I wish to have many such hangovers often enough. 

While almost all is said and done, I am more than elated to have been on this trip. Tawang, your beauty has added to my experiences of life and lifestyle in multitudinous ways and manners. I can only offer my gratitude to everyone who crossed paths with me on this journey. They have made this trip a delightful reality I have lived in this lifetime. 

Being back to home is a good feel, though I have affirmatively carried a part of Arunachal with me along with a silent wishful thought to be back here again to visit this heavenly city again.

 

Long Distance Friendship Drama

On a usual afternoon, Chinmay (my best friend) asked me on text if we could video chat. Video or messages are the only resort for a long distance friendship scenarios. He happens to work and operate out of Germany and I am here in India. It felt stupid to me at first when asked but then I was like yes ofcourse, its been ages we should definitely do that. 

He called me in the afternoon and this time around he asked me for specific time as well, so I did mention that I have my workout scheduled until 6.30 pm, we could chat post that. He made sure he called exactly at the said time, and I was in my regular chirpy way yapping about my first world happenings in life to which he switched the phone call into a video. And what the hell the video call showed my own house, which meant he was right outside my house here to surprise. Damn, I jumped out of happiness to have him over in India after almost 2 years (all thanks to the pandemic restrictions). These are the small yet so special acts you have done over and over in all these years. These are also the reasons that makes him super special for me.  

The fact that Chinmay is here in person to visit me is happiness and a natural feel good factor. I am still smiling while typing this sentence. To add to all of it, he has come back not just to visit India & all of us but also to get married, is the cherry on the cake. Chinmay, you are most definitely one of the best people I know. I am sure with this new phase of marriage the best in your life is yet to begin. 

Congratulations to you and Ketki. Secretly she has no idea, what she is signing up for yet ;). All I can do is warn & wish her all the best with you. 

Thank you for always being there, even in those times when I want to run away from you and the world around. You have been the blessing the Universe granted me as bonus into this life.